Train Tracks and Slave Ships
23 Dec 2010 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized
For the past fourteen years or so, I have been crossing the train tracks on a daily basis. I come from one place, many of the people that I deal with come from another. A world where I am guest, but never a member, a place where I feel inferior.
As a society, we all try to live up to expectations to which might exceed our actual thoughts or beliefs. Why? Does it have to do with the media, music and capitalist America, sure but, for me it starts much closer to home. I was brought up to live life to the fullest and to be thankful for the things that I have. Was I a spoiled brat at most times, of course! I was brought up with little frivolity in my life, such as big screen tv’s, the latest technology etc. I still do not even own an Ipod!! My values stem from having a stong sense of family and togetherness. My daydreams did not include getting a nice car or getting new sneakers, my thoughts were always something different.
Walking on the other side of the tracks makes me feel inferior. I always feel that I need to watch what I say, watch what I do and how I act. I feel looked down upon almost everytime that I cross the tracks. I feel like I need to be something that I am not, wear my hair a certain way, dress in a special manner, and just do…never think. We are all accustom to living with some type of routine, but as soon as I step away from the norm, I am viewed as a fucking crazy person. I have always been persecuted for my thoughts and opinions because they are outside of the box or they go against the grain. I do not consider myself to be a weirdo or abnormal, I am just me and the people on the other side of the tracks cannot or will not realize and appreciate that.
On some days, I can relate my thoughts to that of the conditions of a slave ship. Maybe I am not physically beaten or shackled, but over the years my mind has been beaten into submission and my thoughts have been shackled and tamed. Though the conditions are bad, the stong survive and make it to the final destination. The only difference is that I will not be sold into slavery, to do someone elses bidding.
Some might view me as inferior because of my race, the nappiness of my hair, the lack of a Master’s degree, the fact that I work with underprivileged students, the fact that I was not married when I had a child, the fact that I am not married already or for the most irksome fact of all; the fact that I do not want to be like everyone else. I would like to say sorry to the people on the other side of the tracks, sorry that I cannot live up to your expectations and meet your needs.
At the end of the day when I have a moment to walk back to my side of the railroad tracks, my mind is at peace. I can breathe, take off the shackles and be free of the mental beating. My path which I walk everyday is worn and ragged, I need a different route, I need emancipation of mental slavery.
Mommy
08 Dec 2010 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized
We all say that we do not want to be like our parents when we get older. Well too bad, for the most part, many of us inherit some Godforsaken trait of our parents. This entry is an ode to my mother, the person that I loved to hate in high school, blamed many of my problems on and for the mother that I have come to know and love. I want to say thank you mom for making me who I am today. Because of you, I never hold my tongue, I always say what is on my mind, I am independent of mind and always look for a way to be free and pure.
As I sat through high school, I always blamed my mom for not loving me enough and disciplining me when I needed it the most. I have been through many emotional problems in that stage of my life that I couldnt fully understand at that time. Now that I am a grown woman, I have come to terms with the fact that I am just plain crazy! If it was not for my mother knocking some sense into my stubborn ass head, I probably would have went down the wrong road.
Thanks mom for pushing me to go to college and spend exorbitant amounts of money on college. Although, I am bitter about the money factor, college helped me grow up. At this stage in my life, I became pregnant with Santino. This was Gods way of telling me to slow my ass down and bear up to your responsibilities. My relationship with my mother blossomed from there. When other people who shall remain nameless, told me to get rid of my child, mommy told me that she would support me and stand by my decision. That is when I knew that I could make it through anything if my mother stuck by my side. Now my son is four, and he is the most important thing in my life.
Finally, I would like to thank you mom for making me free. Because of you, I do what I want to do and say what I want to say regardless of anyone else. I do not let anything hold me back, my mother gives me the strength that I need to have peace of mind. Because of you, I love to travel and see the world and live life to the fullest. Because of you mom, I love with all of my heart and always stand by my feelings. I am brave because of you. Thank you mommy!
R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
16 Sep 2010 1 Comment
Now that I am an official commuter into the city, I take the LIRR to lessen the chances of killing people from traffic frustration. As some of you already know, I tend to be overly observant of my surroundings. So on the way home yesterday, two people we sitting behind me on the train. Sounds normal right? At first, I thought that they were just being obnoxious until I overheard the girl talking about that she had three one-night stands within a two week period. I am definitely not sitting here saying that I am a nun, but this girl obviously has no respect for her self or her body. I understand that it is 2010 here but, please stop being a slut.
She is obviously not the only one like this and it is sad 
I work with a bunch of hormonal teenagers and it is natural to want to have sex at that age but, it is evident by the amount of children that these young women have, that they are not being ‘smart’ about the situation. There are plenty of people who have sex before they are ready to, but why is this?
Of course we could use the standard excuse of being peer pressured, but it is more than that. A lot of women have very low self esteem primarily caused by bad breakups and such. Having low self esteem contributes to promiscuity in both men and women. But, of course the women get the bad reputation for it. I must lay some blame on the American media for this epidemic of unsafe, unhealthy sexual relationships. Television shows promote promiscuity, casual sexual relationships and the degrading of women. I am not saying for women to stand up and fucking burn our bras, but enough is enough. And, what happened to gentleman?? I am not old-fashioned(i’m only 25!) or anything but, why do so many men disrespect women. No one holds doors anymore, let alone call you by your name. It is like ‘hey ma,pssst,yo, mami’…none of those terms of endearment is flattering in the least. Sometimes I am walking somewhere and I see men blatantly yelling,screaming and cursing to their girlfriends/wifes. WTF is going on??
At work the other day, I heard the most disturbing story. While I am not at liberty to reveal details, it involved careless sexual experiences that resulted in a pregnancy. I went home that night and literally cried to my fiance about the situation. Sometimes one feels so helpless in situations like this but, what will it take for teenage girls to realize that they deserve better than to be intimidated by a bunch of pubescent teenage boys.
Back to self respect….there are many people out there that do not respect themselves let alone anyone else, but it is women that concern me so much. Is it because I am a woman…um no it is the simple fact that a lot, not all, but a lot of women do not care how many men that they sleep with, how many abortions that they have and how many STD’S that they have to go to the doctors for. It is the lack of common sense that irritates me so much. There are plenty of other things that are going on in our country that take precedence over sluts and wayward women but, I need answers. So far I have not come up with any good ones. Is it attention, media, parenting, friends, men or a combination of all these factors that makes many women so irresponsible??
While Aretha Franklin puts R-E-S-P-E-C-T into much better terms than I ever could, it is something which many young Americans do not understand the meaning of.
Is Bigger Better??
14 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
Today I went to Tropical Smoothie Cafe ( a local smoothie place) and ordered a Banana Strawberry Smoothie (thanks to my sister Caroline, I love anything Strawberry Banana). Once they finished my order, they handed me a gargantuan sized drink that, of course I could not finish. I then wondered to my self why is this pseudo healthy drink so large. While driving home, I observed the surroundings and answered my own question. America is large! But, then came the floods of other questions. How did America come to be this way?
Since the founding of our country, Americans have been obsessed with capitalism, a necessary evil needed to survive in this country. Everywhere that you look, there is another product being shoved down our throats: “take this pill, it will make you beautiful” “Eat whole grains , it will make you loose weight”. I am tired of all of these false testaments that the media pushes on you. Back to the task at hand, how did we become so large?
Many say that ‘bigger is better’ and of course in some cases it is, but not when it comes to our health and well being. Next time that you are in a store take a look at the overweight people, I am sure that the percentage is higher than thinner people. While I am not knocking people for being overweight, I wish people would take a closer look at what they are eating.
In Europe, the portion size is much smaller than the ones in America and there is only one answer as to why. We are greedy and we always have to have the most expensive, most humongous items that our money can buy. If you live on Long Island, one can see this everyday. For example, why do you need to have a monster pick-up truck driving down the block, or the biggest rims, or the biggest breasts, or the biggest house? Is this what we have been reduced to, living a shell of a life, wanting only what money can buy? Not to mention the mounting credit card debt that many people have.
Doctors and nutritionists are making a killing today because so many citizens are in the office everyday for weight related issues. Hello!!! We do this to ourselves and wonder how we came to be this way. While some do not care that they are overweight, others are trying to do something about it. This, in turn, costs people extra money that they could be saving for their next vacation. For example, many belong to gyms, take diet pills or simply starve themselves on lettuce and water. Why can’t we simply take a good look at ourselves before it begins to get out of control. The answer to this is, of course the media.
Santino (my son) likes to watch Nick Jr. sometimes in the morning but, the media is already filling his mind with dishonorable notions. At 9am, Ronald McDonald is already reaching out to him by enticing him with a toy if he comes to eat at McDonald’s. Naturally, Santino likes the toy that he sees and asks me to take him there. My reply to this is simple, ‘Sweetie, McDonald’s is no good for you and the food is gross, so no we are not going’. (Grandma and Grandpa, thanks a lot, take him there later in the week). Although I used to be on a fast food binge, that time is over and my son’s happiness seems to have grown 20 fold. Still, there are millions of parents/guardians that think that it is okay for a child to eat fast food 3-4 times per week and then wonder why their child is overweight. Maybe parents do not care about their children or maybe they are too misinformed. Whatever the case, the recent ‘calorie law’ does not seem to sway their decision. Sure we all fall victim to the fast food craving every now and then, but to make it a ritual should be a crime.
Besides fast foods, one should be nosy and take a look at other people’s shopping carts while in the grocery store. It is filled with sugar, carbs, red meat, and little veggies and fruit. This too, is a growing problem for adults and children alike. I love to snack and I am sure millions of others do, but there comes a fine line between snacking and unhealthy eating. Packing ‘little bites’ snacks for you or your child is doing a disservice. Even when the media comes out with something that looks enticing such as the 100 calorie packs is also another trap that people fall into. Take another look at that package, I am sure that you will find things that you do not like! Schools also like to kill our children with these foods which they pack in their vending machines!!!
Greed, carelessness, laziness, wealth(or lack of); these are just some of the things that turn us to the dark side of eating. Is it our fault? Yes and no, If you are conscious when you are feeding your children terrible food like Burger King or Fruit Roll-ups on a habitual basis then it is entirely your fault for corrupting your children and manipulating their minds to think that it is a healthy way of life. As for yourself, no it is not your fault that the media and companies drop ideas and thoughts in to your lap, but it is up to you, the ADULT, to make the final decision about what you are eating. Although, the occasional fast food or sugary snack is rewarding once in a while, it is not a replacement for a good home cooked meal. We as Americans are now trained to understand bigger is better and some of us cannot help the fact that they have to keep up with the Joneses , but we can help how we treat ourselves and our children.
I dedicate this piece to the calorie Nazi, Patricia, I love you and thank you for helping Eddie, Santino and I get back on track with our health and eating habits. You, in part, inspired me to make a change in my life, and because I am ruler of the roost, Eddie and Tino have followed suit.
The Politics of Teaching Politics
22 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
‘We don’t need no education, we don’t need no thought control’ -Pink Floyd
Teaching, a rewarding profession that everyone benefits from. In New York, there is a blatant need for good teachers that will help educate the future of dismal America. But, as with everything, politics is a strong force even in the humblest of professions. How can we provide ‘good’ education when so many other factors corrupt the minds of young professionals?
Upon graduation in 2008, I received a somewhat lucrative offer from a school district. I naturally took the position in order to jump start my career as an educator. I thought that I would actually be helping students become model citizens of America. About a third of the way through the school year, I realized that this would not be happening.
Three Village School District is situated on the North Shore of Long Island in a fairly wealthy part of town (you can make your own assumptions if you like). The district, like many others is a naturally competitive one, but not in the way that most of us think. When we think of school competition, we think sports and academics. While there was a fair amount of this going on, the bigger competition was, which persons pockets will be fatter by the end of the year. Three Village works very much like a cut-throat corporation, stepping on everyone’s foot each step of the way.
By December, my idealist teaching philosophies were thrown out of the window and I was bogged down by more mundane matters such as the color of my skin and how much money I had in the bank. When none of those aspects met the Three Village standard, I was cast down as an outsider; backs were now turned. While I loved all of the students that I was teaching, I began to develop a hatred for almost every adult. Is this what edcation should be about?
We all know the answer to that question but, this is the way of the teaching world (in most schools anyway). Many of the students at Three Village suffered as a result. Their high school experience did not prepare them for life, instead the district prepared them for a life of superficial expectations. While some benefited from my ‘real world’ attitude, others just fell victim to the Three Village vacuum.
There are also many other aspects that one would not expect to find in a school district such as racism, sexual harassment, nepotism and prejudice. My question is, how are we as educators supposed to successfully teach in an environment such as this. One of my colleagues told me that you have to ‘play their game’ and get used to the fact of being a pawn of society. These words of wisdom became my survival kit for the upcoming months.
Since my position at Three Village was not secure, it was blatant that I would have to interview again for the position. This process was like a circus. The administration sees fit to intimidate every member of their staff. So, the interview consisted of ten to twelve people asking you every sort of non- essential question one can think of. For example ‘What were the last three books that you have read?’ If someone could tell me how this pertains to being a good teacher, I would be greatly indebted to them! In short, I was sabotaged by people who formed prejudice opinions of me.
Three village did not hinder my goals as a teacher, but instead made me question everyone’s motive for entering the profession.
If I had to do it all over again, I would not change anything because my first year as a teacher has taught me many things. Being an effective teacher takes courage because one must shy away from the institutionalized state that most school districts want you to follow. We as educators do have a path to follow, to make education a unique and purposeful experience. Teachers cannot flourish if the politics clout our vision, one must overcome these obstacles and stand up for their beliefs. While the teachers of Three Village deserve credit for putting up with such disservices, I happily live my life away from the maddening crowd.
What I Observed While Standing on the Welfare Line
16 Jul 2010 1 Comment
Apple Juice in baby bottles, screaming children, Under dressed women, a sea of bad weaves; this is what one would generally find when entering a Social Services office in the United States. Can people really live like this, relying on the government to pay their way?
Welfare, it has been around since the time of the Roman Empire. Many people rely on this system everyday. But, how is it that we as Americans, come to use an abuse this system?
I was talking to one person while at the social services department ( they feel compelled to tell you their life stories) and he was saying that, he and his whole family have lived off the ‘system’ their whole lives! Being flabbergasted by this social discourse, I decided to write this post about it. (Thank you random person for your inspiration).
Those of you who are not familiar with the system, I will give you a general breakdown of how it works: a.) you go down to your local office and fill out an application for the various programs that the government has put in place ( Temporary Assistance, Food Stamps, Medicad, Home Heating etc), don’t forget to lie about the income that you receive. b.) you stand on line for about an hour, depending on the day. c.) You are then given a number and told to take a seat ( this part usually takes about 2-4 hours on any given day). d.) Your case worker will tell you if you are eligible for government assistance.
Another aspect to observe while at the local Department of Social Services is, the parking lot. One can count how many cars cost well over $35,000. Many of the vehicles have after-market items such as rims, sound systems, remote start, and the ever necessary window tinting. It is natural to then ask one’s self if these people actually need government assistance.
The answer, for some is pretty clear; NO!!!! There are people who believe in popping out children for the sake of tomfoolery. The standard is, the more children that you have, the more money one will get from the government whether it be tax returns or assistance. People like this are entitled to a government subsided house (section 8), food stamps from anywhere in the amount of $300 and up, all utilities paid for etc. At first glance, this seems like a pretty good deal because one never really has to work for a living. Take a second look.
What do people like Mr. Parking Lot Pimpin and Ms. Baby Mama do to a country that is already up to it’s neck with problems? Good, honest people like myself, do not get to take advantage of these services that are put in place to help decent Americans. For example, the first time I went to seek out Uncle Sam, the case worker at the s.s. dept. told me that ” I make too much money in order to collect food stamps”. At the time, I was making $300 per week. She then told me to ‘lie’ about how much money is in your savings/checking accounts! This goes to show you that social services encourages illegal practices such as purjury in order to help the ‘dregs’ of society. So in order to save my family from eating Ramen Noodle every night, I did as I was told and received my food stamps a good three months later.
Those of us that do work and try to make an honest living get shafted. How is this so? It is evident that the taxes that are taken out of one’s checks go to support the people that are driving around in Mercades and Range Rovers collecting money from our government. In many cases, welfare recipients have no desire to become part of the wave of blue collared workers because it is just ‘too easy’ to sit at home and wait for their check every month. So how does welfare effect the lives of everyday Americans?
In the words of Nicole Rizzo ” The middle class people have to work our butts off and shell out exorbitant amounts of money for college expenses” while many others can drain the life out of middle-class America. One can look at this situation and turn a blind eye, but one cannot deny that something needs to be done.
I do not disagree with the Welfare system in America because some good does come of it. For example, if one is really struggling to make ends meet, one can go down and apply to their Social Services Department for help. What I do not approve of is, the lax system that used to determine eligibility of welfare recipients. Furthermore, Mr. Parking Lot Pimpin and Ms. Baby Mama should be forced, if able, to seek employment while receiving government benefits. The goal of temporary assistance is clear, it is the loopholes that are hazy.
Am I Validated?
12 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
in Momminess, My love affair with love
A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment. - Jane Austen
All of us at one point or another has laughed, cried and joked about love, but do we know what love really is?
As with anything, there are many different forms of love, love for ones parents, love for a child and perhaps love of a significant other. How do we measure all these different feelings?
For me, the love of a child comes the most naturally, it is unwavering and unconditional. This type of love is safe because, no matter what that child does, you will love them forever. For example, when I had my son Santino, I did not necessarily ‘know’ how to be a mother but, from the moment he was born, I knew that I had to love him more than any other. Was this thought the result of some type of social norm? The notion that we as parents are supposed to love our children? Some types of love creep up on you when you are not looking, but not this type. It is easy to love someone that you find no fault with.
When it comes to relationships, this love can be the most complex. When we first meet a person that we like, it is natural to want to impress them. As time goes on, we find ourselves with these feelings that we cannot explain. Then we start asking ourselves questions like, Is this Mr./Mrs. Right, Is there someone else that we are more connected to? This is when our feelings of love begin to get complex. For some, these complex feelings turn into complacency. We as humans, are creatures of habit and this notion does not stop when it comes to the love department.
Often times, people (such as my parents) stay within a relationship that they are not particularly happy with in order to become secure and safe. This partnership can be dangerous because love becomes lost among the crowd of quarrels and bickering. Love turns into contempt and then the relationship is ruined. So, do my parents love each other still? That I cannot say but, one should not sacrifice love for convenience.
Loving more than one person can also serve as a recipe for disaster. I believe, that when we love someone, a piece of our soul stays with them. As a result of this notion, it become harder to ‘fully’ love the next person that we hap upon. Our obligations and thoughts naturally take precedence over the ‘new’ love. This too, can cause ruptures in a relationship. There are some that say, ‘we cannot help who we fall in love with’. This may be true, but we must also be careful who we fall in love with because the results of a failed relationship can jade a person’s life forever.
What can I say? Love is a complex feeling that some never figure out. But, those of us who have not figured out what love is, remember that there are “many different types of love, as there are moments in time”. Each being different from the next and therefore love needs to be dealt with on a case to case basis.
Being in love is not a state of bliss, but a job that we all must work at.
For those of you who inspired me write this piece, Thank You (especially you, my loving son)
What is College?
11 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
in Political
Congratulations on your accession into adult society! That is basically what they are telling you once they hand you that wonderful diploma that you have paid so much for. But, what is college?
Once I graduated college in 2008 with a B.A. in Social Science/History, I felt so exalted and smart, but then reality actually hit me. The normal post-college thoughts started to flood my mind; Will I have a job soon? Am I going to be making a six-figure salary within two years? How will I ever pay back $150,000? But, there is something deeper than all of those questions, why did I go to college? Aside from the fact that most parents/relatives shove the thought of post-secondary school down your throat from the time of infancy, there is this compelling idea that you will make more money and become smarter instantly after you graduate. This, in fact, is not the truth. Yes, of course you learn different things while you are studying but, couldn’t I have learned the same things from reading a book (which would cost me about 149,080 less)?
So, this is what they do not teach you in college( or you don’t realize until you are about halfway through your senior year), college, in today’s standards is a BIG money making scheme that draws millions of Americans in each year. They take your money and sell you this false idea that you will become richer and happier if you attend college. The results:
A. I graduated in 2008 and got a job teaching in September of that year
B. I got ‘let go’ after being there for one year because of budget cuts
C. I am pretty much poor at this point in my life
D. Thanks to college and their false testimonies of wealth, I collect food stamps in order to feed my family
E. My fiancee, that didn’t go to college, makes about 20,000 more than I would if I was working
Now other thoughts slowly creep into my mind as I stand on the welfare line every six months, did I choose the wrong profession? The answer is no, many people go into a profession that they do not particularly care for just because the money is ‘good’ or the job is ‘safe’. The main problem is (on Long Island anyways) is that the job market is pretty stagnant. Lets face it, New York State has been the purveyor of capitalist society since the 1620′s, I understand it is time to pass the torch to other areas such as Austin, Texas. But, what I do not understand is why our education(which we have a right to) costs so much! Though, we may not ever figure out the former, we can always say a few great things will come out of one’s college experience.
College is a great tool if used correctly. There are many programs/institutions that can change a persons life forever. Many colleges (such as St. John’s University) give you the freedom to travel while learning, which is a great added bonus. So am I saying do not attend post- secondary school? No, what I am saying is take a step back and think about the causes and effects of obtaining higher learning.
Are parents really parents or just vessels for the future?
10 Jul 2010 2 Comments
in Momminess
Santino, my three year old son, had asked me the other day ” mommy, what color was Jesus?” This is not the typical ” how do I brush my teeth” question, so it definitely required a bit of extra thought. So I tried to explain it to him in the ‘teacherly’ way by saying that Jesus was neither black nor white but Middle Eastern/Israelite. This approach pseudo worked because Santino responded by saying ” Oh, Jesus is brown like me?” I guess that I was satisfied with this answer so I replied ” yes honey”. Then, it dawned on me to try to explain to him that it does not matter what ‘color’ you are as long as you are ‘nice’ and ‘share’ with others. Santino listened as best he could, and when the conversation was over, he proceeded to ‘shoot’ me with his Transformer Megatron.
It was not until later that day that it occurred to me that this is just the beginning of the learning bus for Santino. So, me, his mother, ACTUALLY has to teach him things and help him to become a functioning member of our great (I use the term ‘great’ loosely) society. Many people (especially young parents…i guess older ones too) do not realize that children serve another purpose in this life other than to give us joy and pain. We as parents have an undertaking when it comes to our children, sure we love them and spoil them, but that in of it self does not prepare children for what their true role is. Most parents instincts are to protect and love, but is there such a thing as too much of it?
Love, of course, I believe to be unconditional, but protection is another matter. My profession requires me to be surrounded by teenagers for 180 days out of the year and there a couple of things that I have noticed that are NOT normal to me:
1. Children do NOT go outside to play….EVER
2. Many teens are becoming increasingly dumber as the years pass
3. Teenage girls wear little to no clothes and neither do their mothers
4. 16 is now the new 24
5. Texting is a necessary evil
So, like I was saying about protection, parents are lacking in that department lately. My students look like ghosts because they are on Facebook or play video games all day, parents are not spending any time teaching their children the more important things in life ( like how to properly write a sentence) and mothers and daughters shop at the same store. Parents only teach their children what they know and if it is all the stuff that I mentioned before, then the parents in today’s society are really just that; parents. There are a select few who are ‘vessels for the future’. They encourage their children to be curious about learning and life. Many parents now just settle for the ‘today’ and not the tomorrow.
I always say that we cannot always blame the parents, and that it is also socioeconomic and all that crap but, how do we as parents help our children see around all of the outside drama? For instance, growing up in the inner-city projects or growing up with no parents around because they are both working to provide. It takes perseverance of the mind in order to see past all of that. So while parenting is never easy, living for ‘today’ always is. Take a minute to think about how you want your child to ‘turn out’ when he/she grows up, I bet there are some changes that can be made.( I am going to change a thing or two myself 
So are we vessels or just parents….that is for you to decide.
My First Post!!!
10 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
So all of you that have made it this far must really want to hear my rambling. So I must first start off with this, what actually is an Idealist? Well the textbook definition is : A theory that the essential nature of reality lies in conscientiousness or reason. Take that definition as you will but, my definition is simple. Being an idealist is being something of a free-spirited being, we have our own thoughts but, at the same time we strive for a higher quality of life and happiness. Idealists do not always settle for the way things are but, try to obtain the impossible. We as humans should ask ourselves, ‘are we REALLY happy with our life style’ or is there something better out there waiting for us?
In short, I suppose many of my writings will be of the controversial nature, so if you are offended easily, then you should read no further.
